Black men base much of their self-esteem on their performance. But their deeper selves--their motivations, self-image, and fears--are often hidden in a private world that they can't, or won't, share with their partners. Now, in How to Love a Black Man, noted psychotherapist and minister Dr. Ronn Elmore draws upon his years of experience in counseling to help women develop a mutually satisfying relationship with the Black men in their lives. Dr. Elmore says a loud NO to both the frustrated, cynical belief that Black men "just don't know how to give or receive love" and the ridiculous, one-sided notion that if women only learned more ways to pamper them and nurse their fragile egos, the love would work. The truth is that both partners can and must strive together to cultivate a loving relationship that serves them both well. To achieve this, How to Love a Black Man empowers readers with seventy-three inspiring "Satisfaction Actions, " as well as dozens of real-life examples, that show how to: 7 "Keep things real"--help him express his true feelings and better express your own 7 Stick to your principles--yet make loving, productive compr

Introduction

Have you found relationships with Black men to be mostly romantic, intimate, and mutually satisfying? Or complicated, mysterious, and frustrating? Whichever may be the case, this book has been written for you. Act on the practical advice offered here, and you will experience much more of the former, and much less of the latter. Period.

An extravagant promise? Certainly. But true nonetheless if you are anything like the countless women I have met through my counseling practice, seminars, and on radio and television talk shows where I have discussed Black men and the women who love them. No doubt your experience with them has confirmed that Black men are neither exalted deities to be worshipped, nor hopeless bundles of defects to be discarded. You are aware that neither view is in keeping with reality. Neither helps -- him or you.

You already love Black men, and you plan to continue. Yet too often you have found that loving them has left you baffled, scratching your head, pondering lots of unanswered questions. You love Black men, but you can't swear that you always understand them.

You have rightly assumed that if you understood him better, you could love him better, and both of you could find deeper satisfaction.

When I say "love," I'm talking about a well-balanced and deliberate heart commitment to another person, one that is demonstrated by action. Action that benefits your partner without discounting yourself. Action that is sensitive, creative, and meaningful, without being self-devaluing, manipulative, or excessively self-protective.

And when I say "satisfaction," I mean the abiding contentment and confidence that result from committing to love someone, feeling loved in return, and knowing and doing the actions that effectively demonstrate your love.

Deeper satisfaction -- for you and for him -- is what this book is all about. It's an honest look at what works and what doesn't to achieve that satisfaction, and the things you can start (or stop) doing today to ensure you get more of it, more of the time.

So, you may well ask, "Are women, in some way, more responsible than men for the care and feeding of a mutually satisfying relationship?" Absolutely not. It takes both of you. It always has and always will. How to Love a Black Man explains what it takes on your part. It's only half the story. But it's the half that's yours.

Rest assured, this is not 1001 Ways to Stroke, Coddle, and Pamper a Man. Do away with those ridiculous images of him reclining regally in a canopied chaise lounge while you hand-feed him grapes, fan him with ostrich plumes, and massage his feet -- all at once.

How to Love a Black Man is an advice book. It's not as much a "think about it" as a "do something about it" book, and its advice is only truly effective when it is lived, not just learned. It's your guide to the very powerful things that you can actually do, not just consider, hope, or feel, but do to help you experience the kind of love you both desire and deserve. It may be the missing piece of the puzzle that you've been trying so hard to solve.

Yes, this book is about Black men, and for the women who love them. But it is not an examination of what's wrong with us in love. It is a celebration of what's right with us, and how to make it better than ever.

 

An African-American Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, this book by a popular therapist and minister is the first book by a Black man aimed at helping women understand and love the Black men in their lives.

"Elmore beams a bright light on the many large and small differences that too often create barriers between us and our men, and he urges us to acknowledge, accept and even embrace those differences."

 

"Because he is a happily married black man with three children (as well as an experienced therapist), Dr. Ronn Elmore knows what love is like for black men. . . . [He] gives women the inside information they need to find and keep a nurturing, honest, lasting love."

 

"A book that should be read by every black person. It provides strategies for creating strong black unions. And as we all know, strong black unions will produce a strong black future."

 

"Absolutely fabulous! . . . Truly a fresh, informative read with great practical information."

 

"Empowering . . . a revealing manual . . . will challenge women to participate and receive the benefits of meaningful, mutual, fulfilling relationships. Thank you, Dr. Elmore!"

 

"We've been waiting for this for too long. For all women who want to know How to Love a Black Man, Dr. Ronn Elmore clears away the myths and barriers. We can 'do it'!"

 

"Provides great insight into what makes a black man tick, and shows the way straight to his heart and soul. An outstanding source book that cuts to the chase and offers sound advice."

 

"I wish I'd had this book years ago; but I'm glad to be able to use it now."

 

Ronn Elmore, Psy.D., founder and director of Relationship Enrichment Programs and Pastor of Counseling at a large inner-city church in Los Angeles, is the former head of The Relationship Clinic. He lives with his wife and three children in Los Angeles.

 

How to Love a Black Man by Ronn Elmore
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